


The Soulmates Lie

by McBangle



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Anxiety, Fake Soulmates, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Pining, Practice Kissing, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-17
Updated: 2019-11-17
Packaged: 2021-01-25 21:56:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 17,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21363289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/McBangle/pseuds/McBangle
Summary: The day Justin met Adam, he knew they’d be something special together. A great d-man pair. Close friends. But not soulmates.But after four years of trying and failing to find his soulmate – and feeling surprisingly okay with that despite what every romcom tells him life is supposed to be like for the unmatched – he comes up with the perfect plan. All he and Adam have to do is move to another city together, let everyone else assume they're soulmates, and voila! No more awkward questions, no more endless search for a soulmate he'll probably never meet, just two bros hanging together for the rest of their lives.What could possibly go wrong?
Relationships: Adam "Holster" Birkholtz/Justin "Ransom" Oluransi
Comments: 78
Kudos: 187
Collections: OMGCP Big Bang 2019





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the Soul Mates chapter of "What If?" by Randall Munroe, particularly the suggestion that in a world in which soulmates are real but rare, some people would probably fake it to fit in. You can read it online at: <https://what-if.xkcd.com/9/> Soulmates _and_ fake relationships? That's exactly my cup of tea. 
> 
> Many, many thanks to Annapods for the amazing [podfic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21366733), to shadowfaerieammy for beta editing, and to the OMGCP Big Bang mods for making it all happen!

The day Justin met Adam, he knew they’d be something special together. A great d-man pair. Close friends. But not soulmates.

Everyone knows that soulmates recognize each other at first sight. According to Shitty, _who won’t shut the fuck up about it_, meeting your soulmate is like New Year’s Eve and a fireworks show and a nondenominational choir of angels all thrown into one. When Bitty and Jack first made eye contact, Bitty fell flat on his ass and everyone in the room could see the hearts in Jack’s eyes. When Nursey and Dex met a year later, it was explosive.

It wasn’t like that when Justin met Adam. At all. And he knew it hadn’t been like that for Adam either.

In truth, he doesn’t even remember the first time he’d laid eyes on Adam. He’d been a nervous frog trying to put names to the sea of new faces and spent half of their first practice staring at his laces or at a point vaguely below peoples’ eyes. At one point, he’d ended up in conversation with the other frog d-man. His initial impression of him had actually been pretty generic: big guy, a couple of years older than Justin, seemed okay enough. He supposes they must have made eye contact at some point in the conversation, but they didn’t really click until Shitty had given them their nicknames.

It would be so easy if that had been a soulmate moment. Hell, half their teammates thought it was. But there were no fireworks, no swooning or electricity. It was more of an Insta-Friends moment. Like finding a bro on your same wavelength; a BFF.

And yet practically everyone they know assumes he and Adam are soulmates. At first it was annoying; how self-absorbed do you have to be to presume you know more about a person’s soul match than the person in question? But by now it's become routine. “Yes, we're best friends. No, we’re not soulmates, but we're both looking if you have any unmatched friends.”

And Justin _has_ been looking. He's tried everything you’re supposed to do to find your soulmate. He chose to attend Samwell largely due to its higher-than-average rate of soulmate-matching among its student body. He’s mastered the art of making rapid fire eye contact with each stranger in every room he walks into. He and Adam both have SoulmatesRoulette accounts and spend most of their free time on the app, making eye contact with thousands of strangers a day.

They’ve both attended every Unmatched Mixer and Speed Eye Contact event at Samwell other than the ones held during away games. Hell, they even drove back early after a few away games to make it to events. Not gonna lie, it’s painful to see classmate after classmate find their soulmates while he stays unmatched, but he keeps going anyway.

They’ve made pilgrimages together to the Soulmate Moving Sidewalks in Boston, Toronto, New York and Philly to stand on the massive conveyor belts and make eye contact with person after person as they moved past. They’d even scrounged up the money to make pilgrimages to the Sidewalks in Chicago and L.A. during their junior and senior year spring breaks, all to no luck. Whoever Justin’s soulmate is, he’s pretty sure they don’t live in the United States or Canada and don’t have a SoulmatesRoulette account or he’d have found them by now.

He has found one thing, though. Every movie and sitcom, every romantic novel he’s been assigned to read, has told him that people are miserably lonely until they meet their soulmates. But Justin _isn’t_ miserable. Stressed and anxious about academics, sure, but overall he’s perfectly fine, and he thinks Adam is too. In fact, nearly all the unmatched people he’s met seem fine.

“Do you really think it’s that bad?” Justin asks Adam one night after another long and unsuccessful session of SoulmatesRoulette. He sets his phone beside him on his bed and rolls over to face Adam sitting at the computer.

“What? Sorry, was I speaking out loud?” Adam pauses his own session of SoulmatesRoulette and turns around, craning his head up to look at Justin on the top bunk.

“What?” Justin shakes his head. “No, not whoever you were making eye contact with. Is it really that bad not to find your soulmate?”

“I… I don’t know.” Adam scratches his head. “My juniors coach was unmatched. My billet family used to talk about him in hushed tones. But he was the happiest adult I knew growing up. Definitely happier than my parents.”

“Exactly!” Justin slaps a hand against his mattress for emphasis. “My auntie’s unmatched too. I wouldn’t say she’s the happiest person I know, but she’s doing all right. She’s out there living her best life.” He rolls onto his back and stares at the ceiling. “Maybe I could be happy like that too.”

Adam pushes his chair away from his desk with a loud scrape of wood on wood. “You don’t want to meet your soulmate?”

“I…” Justin throws an arm across his eyes, envisioning life without a soulmate. “Obviously it would be ‘swawesome if I randomly met them on the street or something. But I’m so tired of the search.” He sighs. “When I thought about my life, I always imagined that I’d meet my soulmate in college, and then after graduation we’d head out into the world and have adventures together. I don’t want to spend the best years of my life staring at my phone or a computer screen every waking moment. I don’t want the soulmate search to keep me from actually living my life, you know? It’s just so damn much _work_.”

The room is silent for a moment before Adam replies. “Yeah. It’s really eating into my savings, too.”

Justin feels a stab of guilt, remembering how reluctant Adam had been to take the pilgrimage to L.A. and how many extra shifts he’d had to work at Annie’s to save up for it. For nothing. Another pointless search for soulmates they’ll probably never meet.

“Maybe our soulmates live on the other side of the Earth. Or maybe we won’t meet them until we’re, like, eighty or something,” Justin reasons. “I don’t want to spend the rest of my life searching for someone I might never meet.”

“I mean, I hear you,” Adam sighs. “But also, my mom’s been nagging me about bringing home my soulmate since I was sixteen years old. If she knew I’d stopped looking…”

“Yeah, my parents would be pretty crushed about it too,” Justin agrees. “People with soulmates don’t really get it.”

“And all of the intrusive questions from strangers!” Adam raises his voice into a nasally squawk. “Have you met your soulmate yet? Who’s your soulmate? Aren’t you a little old to still be unmatched? Are you sure you’re trying hard enough?”

“Ugh, that’s _the worst,”_ Justin scrubs at his eyes. As lights twinkle across his closed eyelids, a thought starts to take shape. “Or… you know… we could tell them we already have soulmates.”

“That might work with strangers, but not with everyone else,” Adam argues.

Justin sits upright carefully, making sure not to hit his head on the ceiling. “We could tell everybody that _we’re_ soulmates.”

Adam looks at him like he’s gone crazy.

“Think of it,” Justin continues. “Practically everyone we know already thinks we’re soulmates without our even trying to convince them. Basically all we’d have to do is just be ourselves and stop denying it when other people assume we are.”

Adam shakes his head. “You’re not thinking it through. We’ve spent three and a half years telling everyone that we’re _not_ soulmates. Now what are we going to say, ‘Psych, we’ve been soulmates all along’? How are we supposed to explain that to everyone?”

Even as Adam speaks, more and more of the plan comes together like puzzle pieces in Justin’s brain. He swings his legs over the edge of his bunk. “We wouldn’t need to explain it to everyone. We’d have to tell our families that we’re soulmates, unless you’d rather tell them that we’re giving up the search?”

“That’s a no from me,” Adam holds up a hand. “It would kill my mom if she thought I was giving up.”

“So we make up some reason why we didn’t tell them until now. Maybe we were afraid they wouldn’t accept a same-sex match?”

“They might buy that.” Adam shrugs.

“But we wouldn’t have to tell everyone else,” Justin continues. “We could just move somewhere new, where we don’t know anyone, and just let them assume we’ve been soulmates all along. We wouldn’t have to explain anything to our friends out here!”

Adam rises from his chair. “You want to move away? But I thought we were going to get jobs in Boston and a Haus 2.0 with Lardo and Shitty?”

“I mean…” Justin takes a deep breath. “I love those guys… individually. But when Shitty and Lardo and Jack and Bitty and Nurse and Dex and Chowder and Farmer and Ollie and Wicks all get together…”

“…It’s like some love fest that we’re not invited to.” Adam nods his head.

“Yeah.”

“Or we _are_ invited, but just to stand on the sidelines and watch everyone else,” Adam amends.

“Yeah.”

“And feel left out and lonely and unlovable,” he continues.

Justin hops down from his bunk and looks Adam in the eyes. “I love our friends, but sometimes it really hurts to be around them.”

Adam stares at the ground and nods. “But won’t there just be other, new friends wherever we move to, who’ll do the same thing without realizing it?”

“I mean, maybe, but they won’t know we’re unmatched. They won’t pity us or try to help us because they’ll think we’re soulmates. We can chill with them and be perfectly happy because secretly, we know that we don’t need soulmates when we get to hang with our best bros for the rest of our lives.” Justin claps a hand on Adam’s shoulder.

Adam’s face does something weird that Justin can’t quite place. He looks down at Justin for a few beats before his eyes slide off to the side. He gnaws at his lip and then sighs. “I could do that. I think. Yeah.” He nods, although he still looks a little uncertain. “I think that could work.”

Justin’s blood races. It _could_ work. He’s sure of it. This could be the solution to all of their problems. He can see it so clearly. They’ll move to a new city and live the life he always imagined living… only minus a soulmate. It’ll be perfect, or at least as perfect as he can expect.

“Are we doing this?” he asks. He’s sure his excitement must show on his face.

“Yeah.” Adam shifts awkwardly for a moment before returning Justin’s eye contact. “Yeah. Let’s do this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I blatantly ripped off the concepts of SoulmatesRoulette and the Soulmates Moving Sidewalks from Randall Munroe's [Soul Mates chapter](https://what-if.xkcd.com/9/), although let's just pretend that the likelihood of meeting your soulmate is statistically higher in this AU than he calculated it to be. You should totally read that chapter if you have the chance, it's amazing!


	2. Chapter 2

Now that the plan is in place, Justin and Adam kick their job search into high gear. Ideally, they want to break the news to their friends that they’re moving away for their dream jobs; they just need to find those dream jobs first.

They both agree that they want to move to the West Coast, or at least the Mountain states. Somewhere far enough away that their friends couldn’t easily pop in to surprise them, and without an NHL team that Jack might come to town to play.

Justin feels a bit guilty, planning his future around being as inconveniently far away from his friends as possible. But he needs a change, and he needs it now. He just can’t continue the fruitless soulmate search any longer, nor can he bear the pity in his friends’ eyes. It’s better this way. Anyway, he and Adam could still visit their friends on their own terms. None of them ever need to know about their soulmates lie.

Fortunately, some of the consulting firms they’d interviewed at have offices in other states. After researching the locations, they reach out to the recruiters they’d worked with when they were applying for Boston jobs. “So sorry,” Justin must have lied a dozen or more times, “we’d love to work with you, but my soulmate Adam had a family emergency and we need to move to the Pacific Northwest to be closer to his family.” Or to the Rockies. Or the Southwest. “Can you put in a good word for us in any of your offices out there? We’d love to join your business family.”

Adam is networking harder than Justin has ever seen him work for anything off-ice before. He has been working his professors for references, introductions, anything to get their feet in the door at businesses all the way on the other side of the country that have absolutely no reason to give the two of them a chance.

_X_

“How’s the job search going?” Lardo asks them over pizza after a particularly draining day of cold calls and Skype interviews.

“It’s going,” Adam shrugs before inhaling nearly an entire slice of pizza.

Lardo looks back and forth between the two of them. “You didn’t like any of the places you interviewed at in Boston? You haven’t been back since your first round of interviews.”

“Uh, we’re keeping our options open.” Justin shreds the paper napkin in his lap. He’s exhausted and more than a little anxious about whether they’ll be able to pull this off, and he and Adam need to wake up at 5 AM the next morning for practice. The last thing he needs right now is to be interrogated about why they’ve stopped searching for jobs in Boston.

“Myeah,” Adam agrees around a mouthful of pizza.

Lardo stares intently at Justin just long enough to make him sweat. Just as the first trickle starts rolling down his temple, she nods at him. “Cool. I hope you find what you’re looking for.”

_X_

A month later, they have.

They decide to break the news to Shitty and Lardo first, since they’re still counting on Justin and Adam to share an apartment with them. Justin suggests dinner at one of their favorite Italian restaurants in the North End. He doesn’t wince when the waitress suggests that they’re on a double date, but he doesn’t deny it, either. He and Adam are going to need to get in the habit of pretending to be together soon – just not until they move out west.

“So what’s the occasion?” Shitty asks around a mouthful of breadsticks. “Got something to tell us?” Lardo elbows him.

“Kind of.” Justin and Adam share a guilty glance. Justin inclines his head in Adam’s direction. _You start._

Adam clears his throat. “We got jobs.”

Shitty explodes into cheers, sending a breadstick flying. Lardo simply nods.

“Welcome to the nine-to-five grind!” Shitty claps each of them hard on their shoulders. “Haus 2.0, here we come!”

Justin winces. Adam looks equally uncomfortable, but Shitty doesn’t appear to notice.

“So, where did you guys settle on?”

“Um.” Adam looks helplessly at Justin.

Justin takes a deep breath. “Portland.”

Shitty blinks his eyes repeatedly, still half bent over the table from when he’d clapped them both on their shoulders. “Maine?”

Justin shakes his head. After all of their planning, this is harder than he’d expected. His throat is dry and it’s hard to get the word out. “Oregon.”

_“Oregon?_ Wha – bah – wah…”

Lardo places a hand on Shitty’s arm and gently pulls him back down to his seat.

Shitty rubs at his forehead with the back of his hand. “We were all going to live together! We had plans!”

“We did. Yeah.” Justin nods repeatedly. Is it possible to nod too many times? It seems like he may have nodded too many times already, but he can’t seem to turn it off. He glances over at Adam, who looks miserable.

_Okay_. Justin takes a deep breath and steadies himself. _Stick to the story._

He clears his throat. “O’Halloran & Watkins didn’t have any openings in Boston.” A lie. “But they offered us both positions in their Portland office.” This was true, although Shitty and Lardo didn’t need to know that the offer was only made after Justin and Adam had applied to several jobs in their West Coast offices and begged the staff they’d interviewed with in Boston for introductions. “They’re better than any job offers we got in Boston.” This was technically true, but only because they’d removed themselves from consideration from all of the Boston jobs they’d applied for once they had agreed upon their plan. “We couldn’t pass it up.” Also true; it was the only job offer they’d both gotten in the same city.

Shitty’s hand tightens around his napkin. “So it’s about money? You’re choosing money over friendship? Over loyalty? _We had plans.”_ Lardo places her hand over his, and he releases his grip on the napkin. “We were going to live together and hang out all the time and it was going to be just like college, only better.”

Adam and Justin glance at each other again.

Shitty’s voice sounds thicker now; less angry and more forlorn. “Oregon is just so far away!”

Justin feels like Shitty just hit him with a stake to the heart. Of course it’s far away. The entire point to their plan was to move far away. They _need_ to be far away from all of their friends for the fake soulmates plan to work, and Justin really, really needs it to work. Still, he can’t help feeling like a total asshole for lying and running away from his friends.

Lardo places a hand on Shitty’s back, and he relaxes against her. “How long have you known?” she asks.

“Um.” Justin nods at Adam. _Your turn._

“A couple of weeks now,” Adam offers. “We were waiting to tell you all while we were… weighing our options.”

Lardo looks at them both as if she can see right through them. Which she can’t obviously; it’s an absurd thought that Justin dismisses almost as quickly as it comes to him. She gives a short nod. “Sounds about right.”


	3. Chapter 3

The story gets easier the more people they tell it to. Bitty's reaction to their move is far less dramatic than Justin had expected, Jack and Nursey are happy for their jobs, and Chowder is ecstatic that they’ll be on the West Coast. (Justin’s pretty sure San Diego is a long way away from Portland, but he adds a note to his spreadsheet to plan ahead in case of unannounced Chowder visits during semester breaks.) Dex is surprisingly enthusiastic about helping them pick out which of their belongings to pack for the cross-country trip, which to donate and which to throw away; apparently he read some book about tidying up.

Graduation comes a lot faster than Justin had expected it to. He always thought he’d savor the end of his senior year, but between study week, exam week, packing for Portland and watching Jack plow his way through playoffs, it flies by.

Back before they’d come up with their soulmates plan, they were originally supposed to temporarily move their stuff into Shitty’s place after graduation and sleep on his couches until they could all find an apartment together. That isn’t really an option anymore. Things have been weird with Shitty ever since Haus 2.Nope had gone down, so they all agree it would be better if Justin and Adam stay in the Haus attic through the Stanley Cup finals until they're ready to move west.

At first, Justin had wanted to head west right after graduation. Just cut all ties, avoid the awkwardness and the lies and start their new lives. Adam had to convince him to stick around for the Stanley Cup finals, but he has to give it to him; it was the right choice. It was a night he would never forget, and he probably would have kicked himself if he’d passed up the opportunity to watch Jack win the Stanley Cup in person. Besides, he’ll probably never have another chance like it again after they move away.

His blood is still racing with the adrenaline of it the next night – their last night in the Haus. Jack’s a Stanley Cup champion. He had Adam had been there to see it. Not just there – they’d been on ice during the post-game celly. And Bitty and Jack had kissed on national television. He was still trying to wrap his brain around that one.

“Um, dude?” Adam asks from his lower bunk.

Justin rolls over to peek his head down at him from his top bunk. “’Sup?”

“Do you think…?” Adam begins. “Um.” He coughs. “I mean. We’re going to my parents’ house tomorrow.”

“Yeah,” Justin agrees. That’s the plan. They’ll pack their rental truck tomorrow morning and drive out to Buffalo to tell Adam’s family that they’ve been soulmates all along but had been waiting until graduation to come out to them. The next day, they’ll drive to Toronto to do the same with Justin’s family. Then they’ll start their cross-country trip to start their new lives as fake soulmates in Portland.

“Right.” Adam clears his throat. “So. We’re going to tell them that we’ve known we were soulmates for almost four years now, and we’ve been living together – _in the same room_ – for three years.”

“Yes?” Justin has a weird kind of fluttery feeling in his chest. It’s weird that he never thought of it that way before.

“So. Um.” Adam bites his lower lip. “When we move out to Portland, we could tell the people we meet that we’re very private people or that we’re not big on PDAs, but my family’s going to know that’s not true.”

“Oh. Right.” Adam’s the most physically affectionate person Justin knows.

“They’re going to expect us to make out,” Adam concludes. “Or, like, you know, kiss and stuff. And touch each other. Like boyfriend-touching. I mean, no, that didn’t come out right. Like family-friendly, not NSFW. I mean…” he slaps his hand over his glasses, blushing a deep red.

Oh. Fuck.

How the fuck had they gotten this far into the plan without considering this? Adam’s completely right. They might be able to trick strangers into thinking they’re non-demonstrative or shy, but their parents will see right through that. They can’t just show up acting like platonic bros and expect everyone to believe they’re not only in love, but have been shacking up together for three years.

They’ve uprooted their entire lives, lied to their friends, broken promises, only for the entire thing to backfire at the last minute.

Justin slides down off the top bunk and crouches next to Adam’s bunk, his heart going a mile a minute. _Ohfuckohfuckohfuckohfuck._

Possibly he may have said that out loud, because Adam pulls his hand away from his eyes and looks at him with concern. “Bro, are you okay?” He sits up, swinging his legs over the end of the bed.

“Yeah. Sure.” The words come out wheezily and not the slightest bit convincing. “Our entire futures basically depend on our convincing our parents of a lie that they’ll see through the minute we walk into their houses.”

“Well,” Adam tries, “maybe not our _entire_ futures.”

Justin shoots him a side-eye.

“Look, I’m sorry Rans.” Adam rests a gentle hand on his left bicep, and something loosens just a little in Justin’s chest. Without meaning to, Justin leans slightly to his left, closer toward Adam’s hand. “I didn’t mean it like that. I think we can pull it off. I wouldn’t have agreed if I didn’t. We just have to be… convincing.”

“Yeah, well, that’s the part I’m worried about.” Nonetheless, Justin takes a deep, slow breath in and out.

“We just have to…” Adam gnaws at his lower lip again for a moment before taking his own deep breath and continuing. “Not look like it’s our first time ever kissing each other, that’s all.”

(Or second time. They’d both mutually agreed three years ago not to talk about the time they drunkenly made out at a kegster.)

“Right. Um. So. We should practice kissing?” Justin’s cheeks burn.

Adam nods repeatedly. “I think so. Yes. It’s just, like, a dress rehearsal.”

Somehow, that breaks Justin’s nervous tension. He cracks the hell up, falling back on his ass in the process. “Dude! You did not just call this a dress rehearsal!”

Adam screws up his face. “I’m just saying we need to be prepared, is all!”

“No, dude, you’re right. My bad.” Justin wipes his inexplicably sweaty palms off on his shorts. “Should we, like, stand up?”

“I don’t know. Maybe?” Adam runs a hand through his hair. “Or no. Maybe not? I don’t know,” he repeats. “Does that seem too formal? Am I overthinking this?”

“Or I could sit on your bed next to you?” Justin offers.

If Justin didn’t know better, he could almost swear that Adam is blushing. It’s probably a trick of the light. Or maybe the room is a little warm. “Um, or actually,” Adam suggests, “I could just sit here and you could kneel right there where you were before.” Adam points to a spot on the ground right in front of him.

Justin kneels in front of Adam. With the low mattress sagging under Adam’s weight, they’re practically eye-to-eye. “Okay. Right.” He licks his lips but finds himself unable to make the next move.

“Oh! Hang on a sec.” Adam takes off his glasses, folds them gently and sets them down on the desk. “Okay. Ready.” He takes a deep breath.

Justin starts to lean in, but catches himself. “Which way are you going to tilt?”

“Huh?”

“When you kiss somebody, you tilt your head to one side and they tilt their head to the other side,” Justin explains. “We should decide which way we’re going to tilt our heads.”

“Right. Good point.” Adam considers this. “I guess… to the right?”

“Right. Got it.” Justin nods. “Okay. Here we go?”

Adam nods in return.

Justin takes a steadying breath, then leans in quickly before he can change his mind.

“Ow, what the fuck dude?” Adam rubs at his nose. “I thought we agreed I was going to tilt to my right?”

“Um, yeah.” Justin pinches his own nose. “You were going right so I went left.”

“No, but you’re opposite me. Your left is my right. If I’m tiling right then you need to go to my left which is your right!”

Justin does a little mental arithmetic. “Shit, dude, you’re right. Sorry.”

“It happens.” Adam waves it away. “That’s why we needed a dress rehearsal. Let’s try it again, but this time we’ll _both_ tilt right, okay?”

“Um, actually?” Justin grimaces. “I think I’d rather tilt left. That’s, like, my signature move.”

Adam rubs at his eyes. “Okay. Take it from the top, but this time we’re both tilting left.”

Their second (third) attempt at a kiss goes much better.

It shouldn’t be surprising that kissing Adam feels natural. Just about everything between them always has. If only they were soulmates but – that’s not a train of thought Justin wants to go down. Better to focus on the present and the feeling of Adam’s lips on his.

He reaches his right arm out, wrapping his hand around the nape of Adam’s neck. Adam makes a kind of sighing noise against him that sparks a pleasant warmth in Justin’s belly. He could keep doing this all night. They probably should. After all, they need to get this right if they want to sell their story.

He’s not sure how long they’ve been kissing when the tip of Adam’s tongue skims along his lower lip. And oh, it feels so good to open his mouth for Adam and…

Justin pulls away, sitting back on his heels. “Um. We probably don’t need to use tongue in front of our parents.”

“Oh. Right.” Adam swipes his forearm across his mouth. “Sorry about that. Should we… take it from the top without the tongue?”

Justin scratches at the back of his neck. “I think we got it, actually. We’re probably good to go for tomorrow.”

Justin could swear Adam’s face falls for just a second before he smiles again. “Great! Just want to make sure we give a good performance tomorrow.”

“Yup.” Justin pats a hand on Adam’s shoulder as he stands. He has the vague idea that it might break the tension if he jokingly thanks Adam for his professionalism and commitment to the role, but it comes out stilted and awkward. As he lies on his top bunk that night, he stares at the ceiling trying his best _not_ to think about making out with Adam and how much easier this whole thing would be if they were real soulmates. His best effort turns out not to be very good at all.


	4. Chapter 4

They wake up far too early the next morning to pack their rental truck and start the long drive to Adam’s parents’ house in Buffalo.

Six hours later, Justin is practically in coral reef mode. Why the fuck did he spend all this time focusing on the job search and on breaking the news to their friends when he _obviously_ should have been worried about this weekend? They spent months planning their escape from the eternal soulmate search without even once considering that the whole fucking plan was destined to fail the instant they attempted to lie to the people who know them better than anyone else in the world.

There is no fucking way that their families are going to believe that they’re soulmates. Their entire plan is doomed. They might as well have just taken those project manager jobs in Boston.

“Are you okay?” Adam glances over at him from the driver’s seat.

“Yeah. No. Nope, not okay.” Justin pulls his knees up to his chest.

Adam glances at a passing road sign. “There’s a rest stop in two miles. Do you want to stop? We could grab a coffee or a burger. Or walk around and get some fresh air. Or…” He peeks over at Justin. “I don’t know… We could make out in the parking lot.”

Adam did always know how to help Justin out of coral reef mode.

Fifteen minutes later, they’re interrupted by insistent knocking on the truck window. “Excuse me!” an irate middle-aged woman calls out. She has one hand covering a young child’s eyes while the other continues to knock on Justin’s window. “There are children here. Can you take that somewhere else?”

Adam pulls away from Justin and settles back in his car seat. “Uh. Sorry.” He adjusts his seatbelt, blushing furiously. “We need to get going to my parents’ house anyway.”

_X_

Adam and Justin pause on the doorstep to Adam’s parents’ house. “Um… do you think we should hold hands when we walk in?” Adam wonders. “Or should we wait until we tell them? Or should we tell them right away?”

Justin shrugs. “I guess we should do whatever feels natural.”

Adam nods, and unlocks the door. He does _not_ hold Justin’s hand which, whatever, it’s his call. He yells out “I’m home!” as he pushes the door open.

“My baby is home before he leaves me for the West Coast!” Adam’s mom shouts from the vicinity of their kitchen. And then Adam and Justin are absolutely surrounded by Birkholtzes.

Justin was only expecting Adam’s parents and two youngest sisters, but his whole family has turned out. Adam’s grandfather who lives across town is there, and his oldest sister and brother-in-law must have driven out from Syracuse with his baby niece. Everyone’s talking over each other, sharing their mazel tovs, teasing Adam, and fretting over the cross-country move.

“Have you mapped out your route?” Adam’s grandfather claps a hand on Adam’s shoulder.

Adam leans down to bring his head closer to his grandfather’s, even though his voice is so loud that his grandfather would probably hear him all the way across the room even without his hearing aids. “We’re using the GPS on our phones, Zayde!”

“Pfft. I don’t trust those things. You’ll lose your signal or the battery with die or it’ll tell you to drive into a lake like on that show about the office.” Adam’s grandfather pokes his finger in Adam’s chest for emphasis. “I’ll loan you my Triple-A Road Atlas.” He turns and shuffles away.

“You really don’t need to do that, Zayde!” Adam protests, to no avail.

Hannah shifts the baby on her hip and whispers something to Leah and Talia that gets all the girls giggling. Even Sadie coos along from her perch on her mother’s hip.

Justin’s always loved how close Adam’s family is. Seeing Adam surrounded by so much love makes him feel warm all over.

Adam’s father fixes him with a serious look, although Justin knows him well enough by now to recognize the smile playing about his lips. “You know you’re breaking your mother’s heart, moving all the way out to Washington.”

“Abe, hush.” Adam’s mom holds a hand up in the air.

“It’s Oregon, Dad,” Adam corrects him.

Adam’s father shakes a finger at him. “You know they have Starbucks on every corner in Buffalo, too; you don’t need to move all the way across the country to get your coffee fix.”

Adam laughs. “I think you’re thinking about Seattle.”

“I’m pretty sure they have coffee in Portland too,” Justin offers.

Adam’s dad raises a bushy eyebrow at them both. “They didn’t have any good jobs on the East coast?”

Adam sighs in the manner of a long-suffering son. “They’re the best jobs we could find where we would be together.” It’s more-or-less true.

Justin suddenly realizes the room has gone quiet. Adam’s mom nudges his father and his brother-in-law steps closer to Hannah and the baby.

Adam laces his fingers with Justin’s and takes a deep breath. “Mom… Dad… everybody… Justin and I are soulmates.”

“They’ve finally told us!” Mrs. Birkholtz's excited shout breaks the silence.

If Justin had thought the Birkholtzes’ reaction was overwhelming when they’d first walked in the door, it was nothing compared to this. They’re both enveloped in a crush of hugs. Everyone’s welcoming Justin into the family and congratulating Adam all at once.

Justin’s always liked Adam’s family. They’ve always made him feel at home in Buffalo, and invited him to family dinners when they visited Samwell. He may have worried about whether they’d believe the soulmates lie, but he’d never had the slightest doubt that they’d be supportive if they did believe it. Yet somehow, being embraced by Adam’s family so wholeheartedly leaves him more emotional than he’d ever expected. He swallows the lump in his throat and swipes a happy tear from his eyes, hoping no one notices.

Hannah’s husband Jin gives him a knowing wink.

Justin can only imagine how perfect it would have been if it were all real. But no. He shuts down that thought as quickly as he can. Adam’s not his soulmate and never will be; there’s no point in thinking about things that could never happen.

“You, um, you knew?” Adam straightens his glasses. They’d been knocked askew by the force of the hugs. It’s adorable, if Justin’s being honest with himself.

Adam’s mom practically glows. “Never let it be said that your mother doesn’t respect your privacy.”

Talia scoffs. “If by ‘respect your privacy’ you mean ‘only gossips about you behind your back’…”

“Never!” Adam’s mom looks scandalized.

Hannah and Leah both guffaw.

Adam glances at Justin in surprise, then turns back to his family. “But if you thought – I mean knew – I mean… why didn’t you ever say anything? To me,” he amends, nodding at Talia’s smirking face.

“Oh, baby.” Adam’s mom pats him on the cheek.

“You boys obviously didn’t want to tell us,” Adam’s father explains.

“Even though they _could have,”_ Adam’s mom interrupts.

“_Some of us_ know that coming out is an ongoing process,” Leah cuts in. “And that you can’t force someone into talking about something before they’re ready to.”

Adam’s mom rolls her eyes. It’s obvious that this is not the first time they’ve had this conversation.

“We all agreed that we’d wait until you told us,” Hannah finishes.

It’s another fifteen minutes before they get more than a few steps into the Birkholtzes’ house, but eventually the family starts to disperse.

“I’ll get those bags for you.” Adam’s father lifts one duffle on each shoulder and starts off down the hall.

“Dad, no, you’ll hurt your back!” Adam stalks after him, Justin trailing behind.

“How old do you take me for?” Adam’s father asks. “I still do all the work around the house myself. This is nothing.”

“Yes, your father is still too stubborn to even buy a ride-on mower,” Adam’s mom adds fondly, coming up behind Justin.

“Ride-on mower. Ridiculous,” Adam’s father scoffs. “Mowing the lawn is good exercise.” He sets both bags down at the foot of Adam’s bed.

Justin blinks his eyes in surprise. “Oh. Um. I’d assumed I would stay in the guest bedroom, Mr. and Mrs. Birkholtz.” He points toward his usual room next door.

“Oh _please.”_ Adam’s mom puts her hand on his bicep. “We’re not naïve; we know you’ve been living together for the last three years. Anyway, Hannah, Jin and Sadie are staying in the guest bedroom tonight. Just keep things down, the baby’s a light sleeper.”

“Mom!” Adam turns bright red.

“What?” She looks around innocently. “I just meant not to play your music too loud, that’s all.”

“That is not what you meant at all.” Adam’s dad chuckles. “And none of that ‘Mr. and Mrs. Birkholtz’ stuff. You’re family now; call us Abe and Rachel.”

“I freshened up the bed for you both, and I put fresh towels on the chair.” Adam’s mom – _Rachel_ – gestures to the items in question. “Just let me know if there’s anything else you need.”

“Um, thanks, uh, Rachel.” Justin glances at Adam. Adam shrugs back at him.

Adam’s bedroom is certainly cozy. His double bed is too big for them to plausibly argue that they can’t share it, but small enough that it will be a tight squeeze for two men their size. Of course, neither of them can complain about that in front of Adam’s parents now, so they’ll just have to make do. They’ve snuggled plenty of times before; there’s no reason tonight has to be awkward.

_X_

Justin’s momentarily disoriented when he wakes up the next morning, uncertain where he is and how he got there. It takes him a few seconds to get his bearings: he’s in Adam’s house, in Adam’s childhood bed, spooning Adam with one arm draped over Adam’s chest and an extremely inconvenient case of morning wood pressed against Adam’s ass._ Damnit._ He hadn’t had that problem the other times they’d cuddled together.

Adam’s lying with his back to him, and Justin panics for a moment, certain that Adam knows exactly what’s going on and is avoiding him. But no; a moment later Adam snores softly. _Thank fuck._

Justin carefully removes his arm from around Adam and rolls off the other side of the bed, turning to check whether Adam’s noticed anything. He breathes a sigh of relief seeing that Adam’s still dead to the world. He grabs a towel off the chair back and hurries across the hall to the bathroom to take care of the situation.

Thankfully, the hall and bathroom are both empty. Justin would have died if he’d run into any of Adam’s family in this state.

He takes a long cold shower and banishes thoughts of Adam almost as soon as they appear. He definitely doesn’t think about Adam’s smile. Or his eyes. Or the way his face had looked when the lady interrupted their make-out session in the rest stop parking lot yesterday. Or Adam’s swollen lips as he’d pulled away from Justin. Or Adam trailing kisses down his neck. Or Adam’s thigh rocking between his own. Or imagine that it’s Adam’s hand on his aching cock.

_Shit._

Justin is _fucked._


	5. Chapter 5

The visit to Justin’s family goes similarly. They’re supportive but clearly unsurprised by the news, and at least his parents don’t try to make them share a bed or make sexual innuendos about them. His sisters try to argue that he and Adam ought to share a room, but Justin cuts them off, pointing out that his twin bed is way too small for the two of them.

It’s just one more short day of lying to his family and before he knows it, Adam’s taking a left turn off of Justin’s parents’ street and starting the next leg to their new life in Portland. Justin breathes a sigh of relief. _“So_ glad my parents didn’t make us share a room like yours did, aren’t you? No offense to your parents, bro,” he quickly adds.

Adam looks at him funny before turning his eyes back to the road. “Because you would have felt weird being right next door to your parents’ room?”

Justin shakes his head. He and Adam just get each other most of the time; he’s not used to having to explain himself to him. “Because we’re not real soulmates and we don’t really sleep together, obviously. Not that _they_ know that, but still. Now that we’re out of the Haus we can live in our own separate rooms.”

“Um.” Adam clears his throat. “I didn’t realize we were going to have separate bedrooms in our new apartment.”

Justin nods excitedly. “I know, I was worried we couldn’t afford it either, but I’ve been researching Portland real estate and we can definitely afford a two bedroom apartment. It’ll be pretty sweet to finally have our own rooms. We’ll each have our own private oases when we want to get away from each other and the soulmates lie.”

Adam’s silent for a long moment. “…Wow.”

Justin half-turns in his seat to face him. “Something wrong?”

Adam gives a small shake of his head, his eyes never leaving the road. “Nope. Nothing. Just thinking about how ‘swawesome it’ll be to have a room to myself, I guess.” He lapses into a silence that lasts most of the day.

When they’d planned their cross-country trip, Justin had figured they’d talk non-stop the whole time. That’s how things usually are between them. But, you know, quiet is fine. Quiet is good. He never got enough quiet time at the Haus. It is definitely not awkward at all. He and Adam don’t do awkward, everyone knows that.

Obviously, there’s no more need for practice kissing, let alone rest stop make-out sessions. They’re on their own now and they don’t need to convince anybody else that they’re soulmates. When they get to Portland, they’ll just pretend to be a private couple that dislikes PDAs. It’ll be better that way. Practice kissing got a little too real, and sharing a bed with Adam just made Justin wish for a bunch of things that aren’t ever going to happen. It’s safer to just stay platonic and avoid any illusions about things being different than they are.

It’s _definitely_ good to sit in silence with his best bro and not have to pretend to be in love or whatever. The last few days were a weird diversion on the path to their new future, but it’s good that they’re back to normal now.

_X_

An hour into the next day’s drive, Adam sheepishly asks whether Justin would mind if he sang along to the Hamilton soundtrack.

“Bro, of course not!” Justin exclaims. “You don’t even need to ask. You know I always like to hear you sing!”

Adam smiles gratefully at Justin.

By the next song, Justin has joined in and it’s practically like old times. So Adam had a quiet day yesterday; everyone needs to recharge sometimes. They’ve already bounced back from it like they always do. This is _exactly_ why he wanted to do this fake soulmate thing with Adam. There’s no one else he’d rather spend the rest of his life with.

As bros, of course.

_X_

By the time they arrive in Portland a day and a half later, Justin has cramps in muscles he didn’t even know he had, and he’d be happy never to set foot in a rental truck ever again.

They rent a storage unit for most of their boxes and move into a hotel room until they can find an apartment. They haven’t talked about Buffalo or their last night in Samwell; as far as Justin’s concerned there’s no need to. Some things are better off left unexamined.

Adam must agree, because if he had, say, confusing new feelings then surely he’d mention them to Justin, wouldn’t he?

…Wouldn’t he?

…He _definitely _would, which just proves that Adam must not want to talk about it. Honestly, there’s no point in even thinking about it. The past is in the past and they’re already on their way to their new future.

Not that they’re heading into that future willy-nilly. Oh, hell no. Justin had started researching real estate as soon as they’d accepted the job offers at O’Halloran & Watkins’ Portland office. He’s spreadsheeted the pros and cons of each neighborhood, calculated monthly budgets and taken virtual online tours of countless potential apartments. They have tours scheduled with his top four apartments tomorrow and four more lined up for the day after tomorrow if the first four don’t meet his expectations.

They’ve signed their rental agreement, paid their deposit and first month’s rent and cancelled the remaining tours before lunch.

Their new apartment is on the first floor of a renovated 1920s two-story, four-apartment building in the Northwest District. It’s close to good restaurants, bars and about a million coffee shops, and convenient to the freeway. They have an updated kitchen and bathroom, a good sized living room (Justin can already picture where he’ll set up their TV and a new couch), laundry hookup and dedicated off-street parking. It’s pretty frigging sweet. Of course it is; it just goes to show the value of careful research and planning.

Their new landlords are an eccentric gay British couple who seem to have been together forever. They’re so sickeningly in love it’s adorable. Justin’s pretty sure that Anthony’s already been day drinking, but they’re charging way less than they probably could, so he chooses to mind his own business about the landlords’ private lives.

They meet their new neighbors over the next few days. Priya and Cassie, who live across the hall, offer to help carry some of their boxes inside, and they get to chatting while they’re moving in. They’re both pediatric residents at the Children’s Hospital.

Priya is compact in just about every way. She only comes up to Justin’s shoulder, wears her hair in a sharp dark brown bob that grazes her chin, and is neatly dressed even while carrying moving boxes. She’s matched with a law student who lives in Michigan. Justin can’t imagine what it must be like to know you have a soulmate out there but only see them a couple of times a year, but she insists that they have both mutually agreed to finish their schooling and training before moving in together.

Cassie’s hair is a messy nest of strawberry blonde curls half falling out of a hair clip. She gives off the impression that whatever effort she may have made to appear professional when she left for work that morning had completely fallen apart by the end of her shift. She tells Justin that she’s unmatched and uninterested in the soulmate search. “Residency is enough work without spending what little free time I have searching for a soulmate, you know?” She screws up her face. “Maybe I’ll try searching in a few years; maybe never. I’m honestly doing fine without one.”

Justin wants to tell her that he knows exactly what she’s talking about, but of course he can’t.

“Justin and I are… um…” Adam glances uncertainly at Justin.

Priya and Cassie smirk at each other over moving boxes.

“You’re soulmates, we know.” Cassie rolls her eyes. “It was kind of obvious, you guys.”

“Not obvious,” Priya chides her gently. “But, yeah, we figured you were.”

Their upstairs neighbors are a married couple in their late twenties. Tessa’s a software engineer and Finn manages a sportswear store. They both seem to work long hours, but they’re friendly and hospitable neighbors. Tessa brings by a kickass wine and cheese basket as a housewarming gift, and Finn shares some pretty sweet recs for craft breweries.

The other second-floor neighbors, apparently, are Ephraim and Gonzalo. Justin and Adam run into them a few times going into or out of the building, and on one occasion at Whole Foods. All Justin really knows about them is that Ephraim rocks a man bun and a handlebar mustache and that Gonzalo apparently lives in a tweed coat with leather elbow patches, even in the summer. According to Cassie and Priya, Ephraim and Gonzalo do their own thing but don’t like to hang out. Justin can tell that Adam is itching to make them like him, but it’s near-impossible considering they hardly ever see them.

_X_

When Justin had planned his future, he hadn’t exactly imagined himself doing risk assessment for a living. In fact, he still gets occasional twinges of guilt about not following the pre-med track into medical school when he hangs out with Priya and Cassie. But, O’Halloran & Watkins is actually a pretty good fit for him and Adam.

His department has access to so. Much. Data. He can’t believe he’s being paid money – good money, _damn_ good money – to crunch numbers all day, consider potential scenarios and analyze risks and benefits. His boss is super impressed by his spreadsheeting skills and already counseling him about professional development to get on the management track.

Adam’s schmoozing clients as a consultant, and he seems to like it. He gets stoked over helping clients problem-solve. It’s funny; Justin’s pretty sure he’d be frozen by anxiety if he had to tell some perfect stranger how to run their business, but Adam is energized by it. It makes Justin feel warm inside to see how happy and at home Adam is in his new job.

They don’t get to work together very much – O’Halloran & Watkins has a policy against soulmates working on assignments together – but between the daily commute, lunch breaks and the office water cooler Justin spends a significant part of the work day with or near Adam.

Their coworkers are mostly the work hard, play hard sorts. Some of them are a little too intense for Justin’s and Adam’s tastes, but within a few weeks they’ve found themselves a crew of likeminded coworkers. Faisal works in risk assessment with Justin and is _almost_ as good at Excel as Justin is; Mo’s the second most chill consultant (after Adam, obvs). They settle into a comfortable pattern of Wednesday happy hours with the work crew, Friday night drinks with Priya and Cassie when they aren’t on call, Saturday night clubbing with whoever’s up for it, and quiet nights at home the rest of the week.

_X_

The whole soulmate plan is working out pretty much perfectly. Well, nearly perfect. Except for when it’s weird.

Justin had thought they were both on the same page that they weren’t going to be physically affectionate other than on their visit to their parents’ houses. And on their last night in Samwell. And in the rest stop outside of Buffalo. But those times were just to convince their parents. And practice. And stress relief.

They’ve got a clean slate in Portland and they had both agreed they don’t need to put on a big romantic act to convince people that they’re soulmates. Half of Samwell had been convinced that they were soulmates when they were actively denying it; all they need to do now is just act the same way that they always have and let everyone else make their own assumptions. Didn’t they agree that was their plan? Justin could swear they had.

Apparently Adam didn’t get that memo. The longer they’re in Portland and the comfier they get with their new friends, the snugglier Adam starts to act in front of them.

It all starts innocently enough: Adam’s shoulder bumping into his after a joke or a reference only they would get; Adam eating off his plate, squeezed close together in restaurant booths; hugs and piggyback rides. Basically, the same way they’d always acted at Samwell.

But at some point, Justin realizes that Adam’s transitioned from sprawling an arm across the back of whatever booth they’re sitting in to wrapping his arm around Justin’s shoulders every time they eat out. At some point, Adam starts holding Justin’s hand in public. At some point, their hugs start to feel less like bro hugs and more like cuddles.

Adam grabs Justin’s hand at the club one night when a slow song starts up. The rest of their group is heading back to their table, and Justin had been following them.

“Hey.” Adam pulls Justin toward him. “Dance with me.”

That’s new. They’ve danced together plenty of times to fast music, but they’ve never slow danced in over four years of friendship. But Adam probably just wants to up his fake-soulmate game in front of their friends.

“Um. Okay.” Justin steps forward into Adam’s arms. He has a momentary panic of _where do I put my hands?!?_ but settles his left hand on Adam’s right hip. Adam’s still holding his right hand; his lifts their entwined fingers up to shoulder height as they begin to sway to the music.

Adam’s cheek brushes gently against Justin’s ear. He’s been trying out a new aftershave lately, with notes of orange, rum and cinnamon. Justin would tell him he likes it, but it feels almost too intimate to comment on at the moment.

A pleasant liquid ache spreads through Justin’s stomach. He hopes that Adam can’t feel his heart pounding in his chest. Or maybe he hopes he can feel it? He’s not really sure.

Adam’s face is _so close._ It wouldn’t take much to turn his head, lean in and maybe see where things go from there. Except that’s not what they’re doing. Is it?

Justin starts running the numbers on whether he’s reading the moment correctly.

Pros:

  * A gut feeling;
  * That’s pretty much it.

Cons:

  * Adam’s doing this in front of their friends and they’re supposed to fake being soulmates in public;
  * They’ve talked about faking being soulmates like a thousand times but they’ve never talked about hooking up for real;
  * Adam’s always been snuggly but that doesn’t mean he wants to make out <strike>except for the times that he did</strike>.

If he tries to kiss Adam but he’s reading things wrong then things will be awkward at best and could fuck up their whole plan at worst. If he’s reading things right then it could be ‘swawesome but it could still also fuck up the whole plan in the long run. He puts the odds on kissing Adam being a good idea as at least 3 to 1 against.

Trust his gut or trust the numbers? It’s not even a question for Justin.

“Um.” As the song comes to an end, Justin steps back so quickly that Adam stumbles forward a half step. “I’m going to grab another beer.” He turns on his heel and speed walks back to their table.

Priya smiles at them dreamily as they return to their table. “You guys are so adorable.”

“You used to dance with me like that.” Faisal’s soulmate Asha bumps her shoulder against Faisal’s, a smile playing about her lips.

“Okay, I’m going to need the two of you to dial down the cuteness by twenty percent.” Faisal takes Asha’s hand. “You’re setting standards the rest of us can’t live up to.”

Asha rolls her eyes fondly.

“Get a room!” Mo jeers, their hands cupped around their mouth.

“Seriously.” Cassie high fives Mo.

Justin’s cheeks burn. Adam rests his arm across Justin’s seat back as he sits down next to him, but something feels off.

All of the physical affection between them ends, as it always does, as soon as the door to their apartment closes behind them. It’s just like Justin had told Adam it would be. They might be fake soulmates in public, but in the privacy of their apartment they’re indistinguishable from Haus days; bros, nothing more.

It’s all perfectly logical; for the best, really. Justin should be – no, he _is_ grateful that they’ve drawn such clear boundaries between their public and private lives. If they hadn’t, someone might start to get confused about the situation.


	6. Chapter 6

“No. No way. Absolutely not.” Adam paces back and forth in front of the couch, phone in hand. Justin has to keep leaning one way or the next to see the TV each time Adam crosses in front of him. “You’re family. Family doesn’t let family stay in a hotel when they’re in town. No. I’m putting my foot down. You’re staying in our guest bedroom.”

Guest bedroom? Justin’s head shoots up, his attention now fully captured by Adam’s side of the phone conversation.

They have no guest bedroom. Except, in theory, they do.

On the rare occasions that they have friends over, they keep their guests to their living room, kitchen and bathroom. They let their friends assume that they share a single room and that the other room is for guests and storage. Nobody needs to know that they don’t actually sleep together – literally or figuratively.

But if someone’s going to stay in their “guest bedroom”, then…

“So that just happened.” Adam collapses onto the couch next to him.

“Um, dude…” Justin starts.

Adam sighs, his shoulders slumping forward. “Jin’s coming to town for a conference next week. He called to invite us out to dinner.”

“So you invited him to stay in our ‘guest bedroom’?”

“What was I supposed to do?” Adam straightens up. “I couldn’t just let him stay in a hotel when I live in the same city. We don’t do that in my family.”

Justin knows better than to argue with Adam when he’s made up his mind. “So next week, Jin’s going to stay with us.”

“Right.” Adam nods, and then keeps on nodding as if he’s forgotten how to stop. “He’s flying in on Sunday. Staying for three days. Well, three days and two nights.”

“In… which room is our guest bedroom?”

Adam leans forward, covering his eyes with his hand. “I don’t know. Yours? Mine?” He lifts his head up. “I guess mine.”

They spend the next few days hurriedly moving as many of Adam’s things as possible into Justin’s room. Justin pushes over the clothes in his closet to make room for Adam’s and clears out two drawers in his dresser. There’s plenty of room; they’d shared a much smaller closet in the Haus and Justin still hadn’t gotten into the habit of taking up a whole room’s worth of space. A handful of boxes they still haven’t unpacked get stacked in the corner of Adam’s room.

They throw some clean sheets and new pillows on the bed in Adam’s room and do their best to make it look tidy, guest-friendly, and not actually lived-in.

By Saturday night, the only detail they have yet to work out is, well, sleeping arrangements.

Justin surveys his bedroom. “We could fill up the space between the bed and the closet with pillows and blankets and make you a little nest to sleep on. It’d be like a sleepover.”

Adam arches a brow at him. “You’re seriously going to make me sleep on the floor?”

“Uh…” Was that rude? That was probably rude, wasn’t it? “You can take the bed and I’ll sleep in the pillow fort,” Justin offers.

“And what’s Jin going to think if he comes in here and sees you sleeping on the floor?” Adam counters.

“In the middle of the night?” Justin scoffs. “What, is he going to wander in here asking us to pour him a cup of water, or because he had a nightmare?” This is getting ridiculous.

Adam crosses his arms over his chest. “I don’t know, but why risk it? Why are you so against the idea of sharing a bed with me for two nights? It’s not like we never have before.”

“Um.” Justin shifts from foot to foot.

And look. He didn’t want to call attention to it, but maybe he _is_ against the idea of bed sharing.

If he’s learned one thing over the last several months, it’s that all of the physical intimacies of pretending to be soulmates – holding hands, dancing together, practice kissing and, yes, bed sharing – make it a lot more difficult to remember that it’s all for show. It’s dangerous territory, particularly literally sleeping with Adam. There’s too many variables he can’t control; he saw that in Buffalo.

“Do you think I smell bad? That I’m going to kick you in your sleep?” Adam presses.

“No, no, none of that.” Justin pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs. There’s no getting out of this, is there? “You’re right. If Jin caught me sleeping on the floor, he’d know something’s up. We’ll both sleep in my bed. We’ve got to keep up the show the whole time he’s here.”

Adam gazes at him for a moment, and then sighs deeply. “Right, yeah. Good. Glad we worked that out.” He wipes his hands on his pant legs. “Okay. I’m just gonna rest up for show time while my room is still my own.”

Justin glances at the time on his phone. “It’s like nine-thirty. We could watch another episode of Black Mirror?” He hooks his thumb in the direction of the living room.

Adam’s already on his way out the door. “Nah. I’m going to get my beauty sleep.”

_X_

Jin’s flight arrives a little after three o’clock on Sunday afternoon. They pick him up from the airport, drop off his bags in the “guest bedroom”, and then quickly hustle him out of the apartment to give him a walking tour of the neighborhood followed by dinner at their favorite Indian buffet.

So far, so good. They do their usual song-and-dance: occasional hand-holding, eating off each other’s plates. It’s the same casual intimacies that they’ve gotten used to, only in front of a new person. And as far as Justin can see, Jin doesn’t seem to think anything is out of order.

It’s all going swimmingly right up until the three of them walk back into their apartment.

Jin doesn’t see Adam’s face as Adam holds the door to the apartment open for him, but Justin can see plain as day how nervous he is. And for good reason; they’re about to walk into their apartment and break the last boundary that they had drawn between their public and private lives. Not that they’ve officially discussed it _per se_, but Justin’s pretty sure they’re both on the same page.

Jin yawns. “This has been great, guys, but I’m going to need to turn in if I’m not going to be dead on my feet at the conference tomorrow.”

“Uh… you sure you don’t want to watch some Netflix first? Or maybe a game of Catan?” Adam offers.

“Nah.” Jin smiles sleepily, already heading off toward Adam’s – the “guest” bedroom. “Jet lag’s hitting me pretty hard. Anyway, this is the first time in eleven months that I’ve had a chance at a full night’s sleep. I love Hannah and Sadie but I’m not passing up eight hours of uninterrupted sleep. You get it, right?”

Justin doesn’t really, but he nods anyway.

Justin and Adam both stare at each other wordlessly as the door shuts behind Jin.

“Well…”

“Um…”

“It’s not _that_ late.” Adam shoves his hands in his pockets and sways on his feet. “Black Mirror?”

They get three episodes in before they both fall sleep on the couch. Justin’s neck will probably be paying for it tomorrow, but at least they avoided the whole bed situation for one more night.

_X_

Justin wakes up half draped over Adam on the couch, with his head pillowed on Adam’s chest. At some point in the night, Adam had wrapped his arms around Justin. It was probably was some kind of reflex or something. Or maybe a reaction to a dream. About somebody else.

“The two of you are _adorable.”_

“Wha?” Justin cautiously sits up, careful not to lean too much more on Adam, and then deposits himself carefully on the opposite couch cushion before looking around. Adam rubs his eyes and sits up as well, putting a discreet distance between them.

Jin is smirking at them over a mug of coffee, looking far too awake. “I see you two never made it off the couch last night.”

Justin’s cheeks burn. “It’s… we…”

“We were watching Netflix,” Adam finishes.

“I get that, I’m just busting your balls.” Jin takes a big sip of coffee. “I hope you don’t mind that I raided your K-cups.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Justin pulls himself upright. “I’ve gotta, um, get ready for work.”

_“Shit,_ is it seven o’clock already? I’ve got to get ready too.” Despite getting up after him, Adam manages to sprint past Justin and into the bathroom before he can reach it. Justin rolls his eyes.

“Don’t forget you guys need to drop me off at the convention center on the way!” Jin calls out from the kitchen.

_X_

Jin talks almost nonstop through dinner about his conference, emerging research in renewable energy and sustainable… something, and various speakers whose names mean nothing to any of the rest of them but who Jin was clearly excited to see. Faisal and Asha seem moderately interested in the topic and Jin’s obviously enthusiastic about it, so Justin lets him dominate the conversation. It takes off some of the pressure of being a good host.

“So.” Justin claps Jin on the shoulder after they settle up the check. “Sounds like you’ve had a long day. You’re probably tired, right? We should head back to the apartment.” If Jin sleeps as soundly tonight as he did last night, then they can avoid doing the soulmate act in their apartment for the second night in a row.

Jin shrugs off Justin’s hand. “No way. I got all the rest that I needed last night. Let’s go out to a club! First round’s on me.”

“We don’t go out on Mondays,” Justin protests. “We have a schedule. Wednesdays, Fridays and Saturdays are our nights out.”

“Yeah, we’re going to have to count this one out too,” Faisal explains apologetically.

“It was nice meeting you, but we both have early mornings tomorrow.” Asha shakes Jin’s hand.

“Right… it’s a work night,” Adam agrees, waving goodbye to Faisal and Asha.

“Come on, guys, I won’t even be here on Wednesday. Can’t you make an exception for family?” Jin begs.

Justin and Adam share a wordless look.

“Okay, you win, let’s go to the club,” Adam sighs.

Jin turns out to be nearly as much of a shipper as any one of Justin’s or Adam’s sisters. Every time a slow song comes on, he insists that Justin and Adam dance together.

“We’re not leaving you alone in a strange city.” Adam shakes his head.

Jin laughs. “It’s not like you’re abandoning me in a dark alley. I’m a grown man; I think I can handle sitting alone in a booth for a couple of minutes while you dance ten feet away from me.”

The fourth time that Jin asks, Justin rolls his eyes and pulls Adam to his feet. “If it will shut you up…” He practically drags Adam to the dance floor.

Adam looks at him curiously.

“What?” Justin asks as they sway back and forth to the music. “I wanted to get him off our backs. Anyway this is a great song.” He makes eye contact with Adam for a moment but his heart pounds so strongly at Adam’s smile in return that he needs to glance away, the tips of his ears burning.

“As long as you’re okay with it.” Adam adjusts his hand at the small of Justin’s back.

“Of course I’m okay with it,” Justin protests. “It’s not like–”

“Uh, are you taking pictures?” Adam asks, apropos of nothing.

“Huh?” Justin looks up, but Adam is looking over his shoulder. He swivels his head to see Jin pointing his phone at them both.

Jin shrugs. “I’m just making a video for Hannah. She’d kill me if I didn’t share the love.”

Justin breaks away from Adam, turning to face Jin. Cold sweat beads on his forehead. “Don’t put that on YouTube.” If the SMH crew somehow managed to find it, they wouldn’t let up until he and Adam clarified their relationship status. He loves his friends, but there’s a reason why he and Adam drove all the way across the country from them.

“No, I’m just going to send it to Hannah.” Jin shakes his head, lowering the phone.

“Don’t– don’t put it on the Cloud, where someone could hack it.” Justin’s heart has started up again, but now it’s racing.

“Why would anyone hack a video of the two of you dancing like you’ve got no rhythm?” Jin laughs.

“Justin, it’s fine.” Adam lays a hand on his forearm, looking at him dispiritedly.

_X_

Adam’s distant for the rest of the night. Back at the apartment, he turns his back on Justin as soon as he climbs into bed, without so much as a “good night.” He’s so far over that he must be in danger of falling off the edge of the bed.

“I’m sorry?” Justin’s not quite sure what he needs to apologize for, but he’s pretty sure Adam’s pissed at him.

“’S fine,” Adam mutters, still not making any eye contact.

“Is it because of the video thing?” Justin guesses. 

“It’s fine, I’m just tired,” Adam insists.

“I just didn’t want our Samwell friends to…”

“To find out about us?” Adam asks. There’s something sharp in his voice.

“No? Yes?” Justin shakes his head. “I don’t really know what you mean,” he explains. Whatever he did wrong, he needs to fix it. “You know how they can be. Shitty would cross-examine us and Bitty would send us passive aggressive texts and the whole team would be all over us in the group chat. And the next thing you know, someone will come up to Portland and–” He cuts himself off with a sigh.

“I just like the way things are now,” Justin continues. “We’ve built a life for ourselves here and I’m afraid that if our friends back East got involved, they’d mess it all up.” Worries that have plagued him for months bubble out of his mouth, no longer able to be contained within his head. “They wouldn’t mean to, but they’d ask too many questions and they’d tell too many stories and they’d poke too many holes and break down everything we’ve worked so hard to build. I like our life here,” he repeats weakly, “and I don’t want to lose it.”

“Oh.” Adam looks over his shoulder at Justin. “I didn’t know you were worrying about that.”

“I worry about _everything.”_ Justin picks at a bit of fluff on the comforter.

“I know you do.” Adam nods, turning to bodily face Justin. “I guess I just didn’t think about it that way. I thought… I didn’t realize that’s why you didn’t want them to know about… our whole thing. But if you think our Samwell friends would fuck things up, then we don’t have to tell them anything.”

“You don’t mind?” Justin asks.

Adam’s right hand reaches toward Justin and for a split-second Justin thinks that Adam’s going to touch his face before he pulls his hand back. “Of course not. I mean, I like our life here too.” Justin could swear Adam’s blushing. “Good night.” Adam quickly turns back away from him.

When Justin wakes up in the morning, he’s curled up around Adam in the middle of the bed.

_X_

The bed feels empty after Adam moves back into his own room. The whole room feels empty. More than that, Justin has an undeniable feeling that something is missing. He can’t stop thinking about Adam in his bed, of Adam in his arms, and imagining Adam beneath him and on top of him. What might have happened if he’d grazed his lips against the back of Adam’s neck? If he’d reached out for Adam while Adam was in his bed, would Adam have reached back, or would he have rejected him and reminded him that the whole thing was only ever an act?

Justin should have trusted his first instinct. Bed sharing was a huge mistake. It’s only bringing up confusing thoughts that, well, make _everything_ a lot harder.

Justin decides to take matters into his own hands, so to speak. He figures a little tension release will reset himself and get him back to normal. Suffice it to say, it does not work any better than it did in Buffalo; he fantasizes about nothing but Adam’s hands and lips and body the whole time. Justin feels like his whole life lately has been a series of bad decisions.

He doesn’t regret the soulmates lie, but he does regret how complicated it’s made things. He just wanted to spend his life with his best bro, but he hadn’t realized how acting like soulmates would make him wish the lie was true.

He keeps thinking about how tenuous this whole situation is between them. He could so easily do something stupid like try to kiss Adam and fuck the whole thing up. Or say the wrong thing and make him feel uncomfortable.

Unless Adam wouldn’t be uncomfortable. Unless Adam kissed him back. Sometimes Justin wonders if it would be worth the risk.

But then he thinks about what it would be like if Adam rejected him and he convinces himself that it’s not worth it. He might be missing out on something amazing but it’s better not to take that chance than to risk ruining the best relationship of his life.


	7. Chapter 7

Things shift a bit after Jin’s visit. Justin is sure Adam senses it as well.

It’s as though Adam suddenly doesn’t know how to be in the same room as Justin. He starts and stops a million sentences and wanders about the apartment as if he can’t sit still. He eats his meals off the kitchen counter instead of at his usual seat at the table. During TV time, Adam approaches the couch from like three different directions before sitting on the ground, his cross-legged knee bouncing the whole time.

Their friends pick up on Adam’s weird energy too. At the club that Saturday, Priya pulls Justin aside and asks whether he and Adam are fighting and if there’s anything she can do to help. Justin makes up a story about Adam being stressed over a work assignment but the look on her face tells him she doesn’t buy it.

Justin is convinced it’s something he did. Maybe he insulted Adam without meaning to. Or worse, maybe Adam knows what’s been going through Justin’s head lately. Justin probably made Adam feel uncomfortable when he cuddled up to him in bed. Or maybe he talked in his sleep, or he’s broadcasting his feelings all over his face.

After a couple of days of this behavior, Adam plops down to Justin’s left on the couch just as Justin starts up an episode of Chef’s Table. “This is a good one,” Adam points out, as if he hadn’t just been pacing the apartment like a coffee fiend on his fifth espresso.

“Have – have you seen it before?” Justin asks uncertainly. “Do you want to watch something else?”

“No, that’s okay.” Adam stretches his right arm across the back of the couch and then he just sits there, as if all he wants in that moment is to be right there on the couch next to Justin.

It’s nice to have Adam’s steady presence next to him, no knee bouncing, no pacing, no jumping up and moving to another spot. A relief after the last few days, certainly. Without thinking about it, Justin leans in against Adam, enjoying the pleasant warmth of Adam’s side against his. He’s missed this. There’s something he can’t put his finger on, but it feels like home.

Adam clears his throat suddenly, startling Justin out of his comfy mood. “Um. Rans?”

Justin turns his head to look up at him, and he’s startled by how close Adam’s face is to his. His eyes are drawn first to Adam’s lips, but he tears them away to look him in the eyes. “Yeah?”

“Sorry I’ve been weird lately.” Adam looks down at his hands then faces Justin again, wincing.

“What? You? No,” Justin lies through his teeth.

Adam takes a deep breath. “Maybe we could, I don’t know, do over the last couple of days? Let’s clean the slate and go back to being best bros and all that good stuff.”

Justin’s not sure he wants to just be best bros, but it’s better than Adam avoiding him. He nods. “Deal.”

Adam nods in return. “Okay. Cool. Deal.” He turns back to face the TV again, dropping his arm from the couch back to rest gently on Justin’s shoulder.

And there’s that feeling again; a sense of rightness so strong that Justin’s heart might explode. He snuggles in closer to Adam, resting his head on Adam’s shoulder.

“No, wait, no, fuck it.” Adam leans forward to grab the remote off the coffee table, displacing Justin from his shoulder. He pauses the show and turns to face Justin. “That’s not what I want.”

_Shit. Shit shit shit._ Justin’s fucked it all up again. Adam could not have been clearer just now that he just wanted to be bros. Justin had already assessed all of the risks and benefits and concluded that it was safer not to make any moves on him, and what did he do the minute Adam told him he didn’t want to be anything more than friends?

Adam draws in a sharp breath. “Stop me if this isn’t okay with you.”

And then Adam’s hands are cupping his jaw so gently and his lips are brushing against Justin’s.

Justin shivers involuntarily, squeezing his eyes shut. He feels Adam start to pull away and _no, that’s not right_ so he chases after him, leaning forward to kiss him hungrily. He slides his arms under Adam’s, wrapping them around his back and pulling him closer. _Better._

Adam takes the hint. He shifts his position so their chests are flush against each other, crowding up against Justin in the best way. Adam’s chest is broad and firm and Justin can hear his heart beating against his own.

Justin grazes his teeth against Adam’s lower lip and is gratified to receive a gasp of pleasure in response. He wants to find out every kind of noise he can draw forth from Adam. There’s so many things he wants to do to Adam and for Adam to do to him. He’s been waiting far too long for his; maybe longer than he’d realized until just now.

But then a niggling thought at the back of his head gets louder and more insistent until he can’t ignore it any longer. He reluctantly breaks away from Adam. He’s breathless and every inch of his skin is on fire but he won’t be able to do anything else until he asks what he needs to ask.

“Wait a sec.” He holds a hand up between them and gives himself a moment to slow his breathing before he continues. “I thought you just wanted to be bros?”

Adam lets out a laugh that’s half-hysterical, half-offended. “How did you ever get that out of this?”

Justin scooches backwards and crosses his arms defensively over his chest. “You literally just said you just wanted to be best bros. And then I put my head on your shoulder and you said you didn’t want that.”

“Seriously?” Adam’s eyes look wild. “I meant I didn’t _just_ want to be best bros. I was lying to myself. And to you. For like months now, since you shot me down after Toronto.”

“Toronto?” Justin echoes back.

Adam nods, looking down at his hands again. “I kind-of thought we were going somewhere but then you said you didn’t want to sleep together and every time I tried to make a move you made it pretty clear you weren’t interested.”

What? No. That doesn’t track. Justin would have known if Adam had made a move on him.

But then he thinks back to how quiet Adam had been on the drive from Toronto after Justin had told him they would have separate rooms. He remembers walking away from Adam on the dance floor. And insisting, over and over again, that no matter how they acted in front of other people, within the confines of their apartment they were just platonic bros.

_Oh shit._ Justin’s been turning Adam down for months.

Adam glances over at Justin, his face beautifully flushed. “I’ve been trying to respect your feelings but I’m unbelievably attracted to you and lately I’ve thought I might be getting vibes that you might…”

That’s enough confirmation for Justin. He surges forward, grasping Adam’s shirt with both fists and pressing his mouth eagerly to Adam’s. They’re not close enough, not nearly. He swings a leg over Adam’s lap to straddle him, pushing Adam back against the couch with his whole weight.

Adam’s hands slide down over Justin’s ass and _god_ it feels good to have Adam’s hands on him. Why didn’t they do this a lot sooner?

Justin places a kiss on the angle of Adam’s jaw, then one just behind his earlobe, then runs sloppy kisses down his neck. The sounds coming from Adam as he tilts his neck back are obscene. Justin rocks his hips against Adam, showing him exactly how much he wants this.

“Fuuuuuuuck,” Adam groans.

“Yes, please,” Justin agrees against his neck.

“What?” Adam straightens, grasping Justin by the hips so he doesn’t unbalance him. His eyes are glittering and his breaths are coming shallowly.

Justin deliberately licks his own lips. “You’ve been respecting my boundaries and I’ve been respecting yours, but we haven’t told each other what they are, so let me be clear.” He runs his right palm down Adam’s abs, grazing the tips of his fingers right above the button of his jeans. “I want to have sex. With you. Tonight. But only if you want to.”

“Shit, yes.” Adam’s voice is hoarser than Justin’s ever heard it. That’s enough invitation for Justin to get to work unfastening Adam’s fly.

Adam pulls Justin’s shirt off over his head by his shirttails and then pulls him in again for another kiss. After that, Justin’s lost in nothing but Adam for the rest of the night.

_X_

So, apparently they’re fake soulmates with benefits now. And honestly Justin has nothing to complain about. The sex is amazing. Adam gives the most incredible blowjobs that he’s ever had in his life.

Justin can’t remember the last time that Adam slept in his own bed; he supposes that Adam’s room really is the guest bedroom now. They’ve settled into a level of intimacy that just feels so right on so many levels. Things are pretty much perfect for the next couple of weeks. Justin’s happier; Adam’s happier; hell, even their friends seem happier even though as far as they know nothing’s changed.

But Justin’s anxiety won’t stay turned off for too long, especially in moments like this when Adam’s snoring gently next to him. He knows that he really ought to just live in the moment; _carpe diem_ like in that old Robin Williams movie. But he can’t help it; his brain doesn’t work like that. These quiet moments when everything seems perfect are exactly the times when his brain kicks into overdrive imagining all the ways things could go wrong.

Even though they’ve both stopped actively searching for their soulmates, Adam’s real soulmate could be out there, searching for him. Hell, maybe he or she is living in Portland right now. Adam could cross the street tomorrow, make eye contact with them and then everything between Adam and Justin will end.

Of course, Justin would be happy for Adam if he met his soulmate. Of course he would. Adam is his best friend; he… he cares for him very much. Of course he wants Adam to be happy.

But the selfish part of Justin’s brain knows how very much life would suck for him if Adam met his real soulmate.

They won't be able to continue their fake soulmates act after Adam meets his real soulmate. Adam will want to be with his real soulmate. There wouldn’t be any reason to stay on with Justin. He would lea- he wouldn’t have any use for his and Justin’s current set-up anymore.

It would completely expose their lie to everyone they know in Portland, in a very public way. Everyone they know – their friends, their neighbors and landlords, their coworkers – would know the truth. It might be a little embarrassing for Adam, but he’d have his real soulmate to ease the sting. It would be completely humiliating for Justin.

He’s have to tell his family, too. He might be able to move away from Portland to escape his new friends’ pity and judgment, but his family would always know that he’d lied to them about being Adam’s soulmate. And god forbid the SMH crew found out about it. It would be one thing to have to convince them that they’re soulmates; it would be another entirely to have to live with them knowing the truth after Adam meets his real soulmate.

And if Justin is really going to be honest with himself – something he only really is on dark sleepless nights – there’s more to it than just embarrassment.

There wouldn’t be any more of _this._ The whole life they’ve built up over the last few months would be over, forever. No more snuggling together in a warm bed. No more mind-blowing sex. No more lazy make outs on the couch or kisses over dinner. Adam will never again casually wrap an arm around him in a booth crowded with their friends; Justin will never rest his head on Adam’s shoulder again.

No more of the pleasant tight feeling that Justin gets in his chest when Adam smiles at him so brilliantly. Or worse, maybe that feeling will never go away but now it will be empty. Because Adam would feel that way about someone else. And he would never feel that way about Justin.

Justin knows there’s a word for that feeling, but he refuses to think it.

God, Justin is stupid. He’d thought he was so smart when he came up with the fake soulmates plan. He’d actually thought that everything would stay exactly the same between them forever; that neither of them would ever meet their real soulmates, or catch feelings, and they’d just remain best bros forever, lying to the rest of the world without any consequences.

_He’s_ the one that did this. Adam had been reluctant when he’d brought it up; Justin had talked Adam into it. Justin’s the one that set this whole thing in motion.

Not that things are bad now. They’re pretty fucking amazing, actually. But the better things are now, the worse they will be for Justin when it all falls down.

He’s so goddamn stupid.


	8. Chapter 8

Justin’s out at Friday night drinks with Cassie, Priya and Mo a few weeks later when his cell phone rings with Lardo’s number. He stares at her name on the display, his thumb hovering uncertainly over the phone. It’s been months since they’ve texted, let alone spoken, but they used to be close and it would probably be weird to ignore an old friend’s call. Right?

“’Sup, bro, guess who’s in town for the weekend?” Lardo’s voice rings out cheerily.

Justin’s brain shorts out for a moment. “In… in… which town?”

“Portland, where else?” Lardo laughs. “I sold a painting to some rich app developer, and I told him that my art demands that I hand-deliver it. He flew me here first class and is putting me and the painting up in a fancy hotel room!”

“That’s… that’s… wow.” Justin’s heart is slamming against his chest. _No, not now._ He knew that someday something would happen to expose their lie but not now, not when things were just getting started between him and Adam.

“I know, Shits totally hates him. ‘Bourgeoisie assface’ and all that.” Lardo chuckles fondly.

Justin takes a moment to close his eyes and breathe in deeply through his nose and slowly out his mouth. “Do you need a ride from the airport?”

“Nah, he sent a limo to take me and the painting to our hotel.” She clucks her tongue. “Rich people.”

“Wow.” Justin’s at a loss for words. Priya side-eyes him, clearly curious about the call. He turns half away from her in an attempt at privacy.

“I don’t have to deliver the painting until tomorrow morning,” Lardo continues, “so I’m free to chill with you and Holster tonight.”

“Oh. Um. Sorry.” Justin clears his throat. “Adam had to work late tonight.”

“What? No!” Justin can hear Lardo’s disappointment through the phone. “I wanted to see you both. It’s been like four months.”

“Yeah, he just…” Justin takes another calming breath. “He has a big presentation on Monday and he has to work pretty much all weekend on it.” Justin’s not sure if it’s a good thing or a bad thing that Adam’s not here. Everything’s a lot easier when Adam’s around to support him, but maybe the whole soulmates thing just won’t come up if it’s just Justin and Lardo tonight.

“Ugh.” Lardo grunts sympathetically. “Adulting sucks. At least you and I can hang. Where are you? I’ll come out and join you.”

“No!” Justin shouts. He covers it with a cough. “No, that’s okay. I’ll meet you at your hotel. It’s no problem for me.”

Cassie chooses that exact moment to swan up to him. She sways on her feet, stumbling over thin air. Either it was a particularly bad day at the hospital or she had a stronger-than-usual drink. “Why are you still on the phone? Come drink with us!”

Mo trails behind Cassie, looking mildly annoyed. “I’m switching you to water. Sit,” they direct her in a stern voice. Cassie promptly plops down into the chair next to Justin’s, smiling blithely up at Mo.

“Dude, you’re out with friends? I want to meet them!” Lardo declares.

Justin struggles for a plausible excuse to keep Lardo from the bar. “I… you… uh…”

“Who’s on the phooooone?” Cassie warbles. “You’re not ditching us for them, are you? Tell them to come hang!”

“Drink.” Mo shoves a cup of water into Cassie’s hand and then joins Priya in side-eying Justin.

Justin sighs and gives Lardo the bar’s address.

_X_

Justin was fully expecting Lardo to say something to his friends about him and Adam being unmatched, or for his friends to tell Lardo that they’re soulmates, but none of his nightmare scenarios come true. Surprisingly little of the conversation actually revolves around him. Lardo spends most of the time getting to know his friends.

Justin actually learns a lot about Priya’s soulmate David. Lardo and Priya speak for a long time about what it’s like to have a long-distance soulmate relationship. Justin’s embarrassed to realize he never even thought to ask. He had no idea how stressful it was for her; she had always said that living apart for now is the right choice for their careers but it never occurred to him that she was saying it in part to reassure herself.

At one point, he has to quickly distract Lardo when Priya admits that she sometimes wishes that she and David could be as close as Justin and Adam are. “Adam’s my roommate and my BFF too!” he declares excitedly. “Best friends are ‘swawesome. You’re all my friends. Let’s have a drink for friendship!”

…Maybe it wasn’t the most effective distraction possible.

A bit later in the night, Justin has to interrupt Cassie from declaring Justin and Adam “Hashtag Relationship Goals.”

“Dude! ‘Can’t Stop the Feeling’ is playing! Who’s going to dance with me!” He manages to get the whole group onto the dance floor, so he clocks that distraction up as more effective than his first attempt.

Overall, he’s feeling pretty good about the night as he and Lardo wait for an Uber to her hotel for a post-bar hang. Nobody spilled the beans too much on either side. Lardo will head back to Boston none the wiser about their soulmates lie and nobody here will have any clue that they’re not really soulmates. Maybe Justin and Adam could safely invite some of their other Samwell friends to visit too. Not Shitty – he’d blab everything he knows about them within seconds of arrival – but one of their more-discreet friends, like maybe Ollie and Wicks?

Justin is deep in thought in the back seat of their Uber when Lardo turns to him with a satisfied smirk.

“I knew you guys were soulmates.”

“Wha – _what?”_ Justin sputters.

Lardo shrugs. “If you don’t want me to tell anybody else about it I won’t, but I think they’d all be cool with it.”

“We’re… we’re _not_ soulmates,” Justin insists.

Lardo rolls her eyes at him. “Sure you aren’t.”

“I’m serious.” Justin half-turns in his seat to face Lardo. “We’re not soulmates. It’s just an act.”

“Wha-aaaaaaat?” Lardo manages to make the word sound like it has two syllables, the second higher-pitched than the first.

Justin closes his eyes, takes a deep breath, and finally speaks the secret he’s so desperately tried to hide for these last several months. “We were both so tired of being unmatched. And always searching for our soulmates but never finding them. And the statistical improbability of finding them by random chance. And of – no offense – always being the third and fourth wheels to other soulmate couples. And everyone knowing we were unmatched and everyone pitying us.”

Lardo frowns. “I never pitied you.”

“So we decided to move across country and start over as if we were soulmates,” Justin continues. “I guess we’ve kinda been living a lie out here but it’s all been amazing. I was honestly scared that you’d tell Cassie, Mo and Priya that we weren’t really soulmates and ruin everything.” He takes in another deep breath and blows it out.

Lardo stares at him for a moment. “You don’t think you’re soulmates?”

Justin blinks. _Did she not understand, or…?_ “I just told you we’re not.”

“Why not?” She presses. “Why don’t you think you’re soulmates?”

Justin’s not sure what’s so difficult to understand about this. “We’re just not. Like, people just know when they meet their soulmate, right? I never knew. We never that big moment the first time we made eye contact.”

Lardo scoffs. “Bullshit. As long as I’ve known you, you guys have practically been able to read each other’s minds.”

Justin shakes his head. “Sure, we’re close. We’ve always had a special connection. But, we can’t be soulmates. I’m telling you, the first time we made eye contact wasn’t anything like those movies. There weren’t any kind of fireworks or anything, it was just a regular thing, you know? Like when you meet someone and you just know they’re going to be a part of your life forever. Like finding a missing puzzle piece.”

Lardo blinks at him a couple of times, a smile playing at the corner of her lips. After a few beats, she bursts out laughing so hard that she knocks her head against the headrest. “What the fuck did you think a soulmate moment feels like? Fireworks, seriously? Have you actually based your entire relationship on romcoms and Hallmark movies?”

Justin’s head is racing. That first time he met Adam – it wasn’t a soulmate moment, was it? It couldn’t have been. He would have known if it was! “Not just those kinds of movies,” he protests. “Shitty told me that when he first met you it was like the world stopped spinning and sparklers went off inside his heart and angels were singing in his ears. Adam and I didn’t feel anything like that.”

Lardo snorts. “You know Shitty. It never occurred to you that he’s prone to over-exaggeration and drama?”

“But…” Justin’s heart is racing. _What the fuck is happening?_ “But what about Bitty and Jack?”

“Look, I love Bitty but he’s even more dramatic than Shitty is.” Lardo shakes her head. “And Jack might be an ice prince but he clearly spent most of his life waiting to fall head over heels.”

“Wait, then what was it like for you?”

Lardo smiles a private smile. “It was just kind of warm and right and like I’d found where I needed to be.”

“But that’s what it was like for…”

Lardo rolls her eyes and gives him a friendly punch in the shoulder. “Dumbass.”

“But… but…” Justin takes a moment to collect himself. “Don’t you ever worry if it means something that you didn’t feel that big dramatic thing? What if Shit’s not really your soulmate?”

Lardo shrugs. “He probably feels enough drama for the both of us. But even if he’s not really my soulmate, what does that even matter? We’re happy together.”

“But what if his real soulmate showed up one day? Or Adam’s real soulmate?” Justin’s voice is suddenly very small. The words catch in his throat. “What if they leave us?”

“Rans.” She puts a gentle hand on his shoulder. “I don’t have those answers for you. But the way I think about me and Shitty is, either we are soulmates, and we are incredibly lucky to have met each other, or we’re not soulmates but we’re still lucky to be together. I know you know the stats on the probability of meeting your soulmate young. If somehow we’re not soulmates and some other rando shows up and turns out to be his real soulmate? It’s so unlikely that it’s not even worth worrying about.”

“But what if they do?” Justin presses. He pulls his feet up on the seat and tucks his knees under his chin.

“Bro, anything could happen someday,” she replies in a quiet, kind voice. “You could cross the street and get hit by a car. I know you try to plan for everything, but all you have is the present.” She shakes her head. “Look, I don’t know what the deal is with you and Adam, but you told me that things are amazing between you. Even if you’re not soulmates, you still have something that so few people will ever have. You need to let go of worrying about the future and enjoy what you have right now. And if something does happen one day, then if nothing else you will have had this one amazing thing.”

Justin gapes wordlessly at Lardo.

The Uber driver clears his throat awkwardly. “Sorry guys, but we’re here.”

Lardo smiles at Justin. “I think you should take this back to your apartment or wherever Adam is.” She hands him her phone, the Uber app open. “Program in your address. This one’s on me.”

_X_

As soon as the Uber pulls away from Lardo’s hotel, Justin opens his text app.

> Rans:
> 
> Dude, you still at work?
> 
> Holtzy:
> 
> Nah, the big boss sent us home for the night to rest our brains
> 
> Rans:
> 
> Cool
> 
> Cool cool
> 
> Holtzy:
> 
> ?
> 
> Rans:
> 
> I’ll be home in 10

_X_

Justin sprints out the door of the Uber, up the porch stairs and into their apartment.

Adam looks up from the book in his hand, then rises to his feet when Justin bursts through the door. “Are you okay? Did something happen?”

Justin reaches Adam in two long strides, grabs Adam by the face and reels him in. He tries to communicate everything he’s feeling through this kiss, because he’s not sure his brain can do the talking thing at the moment.

Moments or an eternity later, they come up for air. “Whoa,” Adam breathes out. “That was ‘swawesome. But did something happen? You looked upset when you came in here.”

Okay, so Justin _will_ have to do the talking thing.

Justin steels himself. “I don’t want to be fake soulmates anymore.”

“Wait, what?” Adam steps back, his hands hovering uncertainly in the air.

“Because I’m in love with you and I want to be real soulmates,” Justin hurries on. “Or boyfriends. Or partners? Or whatever we want to call it.”

Adam looks at him curiously.

“Um… is that okay with you?” Justin asks hopefully.

Adam gives his head a quick shake. “Yeah. Yes. Definitely. I just kind of thought we already were at least some of those things? The last couple of weeks…?”

Justin gnaws at his lower lip. “Um, probably? Look, I don’t know if you realize this but I’m actually pretty bad at talking about my feelings.”

Adam chuckles. “I’ve noticed.”

“I spent so much time worrying about what could go wrong that I convinced myself that if I didn’t let myself fall in love with you, then it wouldn’t hurt so badly when you left me for someone else,” Justin explains.

“When I _what?”_ Adam’s eyebrows shoot upward.

“But it was already too late because I’ve been in love with you since, probably, forever,” Justin finishes. It’s the most terrifying thing he’s ever admitted to, but he’s sure he could tell Adam anything. Probably. Like 99.9% sure.

“Bro, me too, of course!” Adam catches Justin’s hands and holds them reverently between them. “And there’s seriously no way I’m ever leaving you for someone else. I’m so fucking in love with you it is crazy. I am in this for life.”

“Oh. That’s good.” Justin beams up at Adam. The words are completely inadequate, but they’re the only ones he’s got at the moment.

“So… we good now?” Adam releases Justin’s hands and takes a step closer to him, sliding his right hand along the curve of Justin’s jaw.

“Yeah. Yes. Definitely.” Justin nods eagerly. He pushes up on his toes to kiss Adam yet again. Everything feels so right; as though all of the fragments that make up his life have shifted a fraction of a degree and come back together in a way that he hadn’t even known was possible yet is perfect beyond belief.

Several minutes later, he’s snuggled up next to Adam on the couch, Adam’s book laying forgotten on the floor. Justin links his arm with Adam’s and breathes in his warmth, savoring the moment. “By the way,” he mentions casually, “Lardo’s in town.”

“What?”

“And she knows everything that’s going on.”

_“What?”_

_“Everything._ Possibly since before we even starting planning this… whole… sitch?” Justin waves his hands about vaguely.

Adam rubs his fingers at his temples. “Okay. That is… a lot.” He presses his hands together and touches his fingertips to his mouth. “How about this: first we make out some more, and then we talk to Lardo?”

“Great plan.” Justin grins. He always knew it was a ‘swawesome idea to do the soulmates thing with Adam.


	9. Epilogue

Justin and Adam ring in the New Year at Lardo and Shitty’s Haus 2.0.

They fly out to Toronto on the twenty-fourth and spend a few days with both sets of families before driving out to Cambridge. It’s nice to spend time with their families without lying to them or himself about his feelings for Adam, or worrying about being caught in a lie that maybe wasn’t such a lie after all.

Despite everything, Justin’s mom _still_ insists that he and Adam sleep in separate rooms. “You may be soulmates and roommates, but you’re not sharing a bed under my roof until you’re married.” _(Married! Way to pressure them, mom.)_

On the other hand, Adam’s mom – Rachel – is a little too eager for Justin and Adam to share a room at the Birkholtzes’ house. “I know you two boys must want some privacy, so we won’t ask any questions if you disappear into your room for the next hour or two,” she announces almost as soon as they enter the house, winking at them broadly.

“Mom, _no!”_ Adam flushes redder than Justin’s ever seen.

Justin would say she’s hoping for them to give her another grandbaby, but that’s not exactly how babies are made.

Now, they’re chilling on Lardo and Shitty’s couch, drinking a mysteriously bubbly version of tub juice and trading stories with Lardo, Shitty, Jack and Bitty about post-college life and the latest news from Samwell (Nursey and Dex are fighting again, and Bitty is worried that Whiskey doesn’t like him). Shitty and Lardo are sitting cross-legged side-by-side on the floor eating chips out of a shared bowl, and Bitty is sitting on Jack’s lap in an armchair.

“You could always move out here, you know.” Shitty waggles his eyebrows at Justin and Adam behind his aviators. “We’d be happy to kick out one or two of our roommates. Don’t you miss the East Coast?”

Shitty hadn’t been this chill when Justin and Adam had first reconnected with him after Lardo’s visit. He may have accused them of “moving across the country to avoid your oldest and most trusted friends.” Bitty, however, had fussed over them as if they were lost chicks returned to the nest, and Jack had acted like they’d last spoken days ago instead of months ago.

None of them have ever asked Justin or Adam whether they’re soulmates or just a couple, although he’s pretty sure none of them are quite sure. That’s fine with Justin; he isn’t sure either, but he’s finally decided that it doesn’t matter either way.

Justin takes a moment to consider Shitty’s offer. He really has missed his college friends, and it’s great to be back together after all these months. But all the same, Portland feels like home to him now. He shares a glance with Adam and knows without asking that Adam feels the same.

Before they can answer, Lardo pokes Shitty in the side. “Cut it out.”

“What?” Shitty turns to her, holding his hands up innocently.

“Don’t guilt trip them.”

“I wasn’t – _oh_.” Shitty’s jaw drops mid-sentence. “I _was_ guilt-tripping you. My B, brahs. She keeps me in check.” He nudges Lardo’s shoulder with his own.

“It’s cool, but we’re happy where we are,” Adam explains. He snakes an arm around Justin’s waist and rests his head against Justin’s. He never fails to make Justin’s heart swell. “You’re all welcome to visit any time, though.”

“Just maybe call first, next time,” Justin adds, eyeing Lardo.

Lardo smirks back at him.

They all talk for hours, well past the countdown to midnight. Justin and Adam end up crashing on Lardo and Shitty’s ancient pull-out sofa bed. The mattress is lumpy and thin, but he’s with Adam, so it’s all good.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! 
> 
> Like it? Have thoughts to share? Leave a comment! I try to reply to each one, but if you don't want a response to your comment then please say "No reply please" or "Whisper" so I'll know not to reply.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[podfic] The Soulmates Lie](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21366733) by [Annapods](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annapods/pseuds/Annapods)


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